Holiday Decor

 It's that time of year again. Hard liquor and headaches. I'm talking about holiday decorations. 

Let's start with the tree. I still roll with a live tree. Sticky sap and pine needles scream festive. The next step is my least favorite. Unpacking strings of lights. I believe there are two types of elves. The good elves that help Santa and bad elves that tie knots in your strings. I know for certain I did not pack them up in this condition last year. 

This is the voice of experience. Always, ALWAYS, check your light bulbs before hanging them on the tree. Not sure who the genius was that engineered these tiny buggers, but it's true, one missing or bad bulb will kill a strand. I had seven bad bulbs this year. The spares bag only had six replacement bulbs. Time for another shot of bourbon and a new strategy. I cut the bulb socket out and spliced the wires. Bingo!

There is a science to spacing the lights on the tree. On my first attempt, I had more lights, not enough tree. On my second attempt, I got 2/3's of the way and ran out of lights. I was tempted to cut the tree short, but that was the booze talking. Third attempt was my final offer. 

I know what you're thinking. Bare spots. No way Jose'. I'm going 'Asymmetrical' this year. Starting a new fade. Tease your brain to see different shapes.  

Stacy is in Texas this week for work and bringing Emily's kids back with her for Christmas. They get to finish decorating the tree. I'm waiting for better weather to complete my exterior illumination. I sometimes wonder why I put in the effort. I live in the woods. No one will see it. It's tradition I guess.

I enjoy the spirit of Christmas. Many great memories. Not with ladders and extension cords. That's a story for another time.